you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
