drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
