Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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