I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
