i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
