Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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