I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
