Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
