...so i touched it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
