dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
