My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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