I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
