basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
