You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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