as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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