We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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