i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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