i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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