we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want to fling myself into the sun
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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