i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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