I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
