If i come over, it means nothing
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
how drunk are you?
Several
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
