Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
