Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
