We won't sleep together?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
