I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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