you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
