just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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