At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
