just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
