I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
