I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
