maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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