I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
