i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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