I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
