I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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