I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
