I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
