are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
