I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
