so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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