we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
