It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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