she was so not down for the gang bang
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
