If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
