I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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