The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
