Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
