so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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