well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
