u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
