if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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