His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
