paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
