hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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