8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
