i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
