I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
