one word: firstdatebathroomanal
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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