How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
